my kind of summer.

umm.. so i just checked my blog and found out that i haven't posted anything since june 4th.. wow. and it still seems just like yesterday when i last wrote here! time for sure flies by. and this past month was crazy. beyond crazy - it was insane. ok so i don't want to complain about school and exams too much here. i decided not to. i mean, unless it's like really related to the topic i'm just talking about. but if you want to get a little grasp of what i've been going through this past month (and will be going through till september, with one minor break at english camp), then.. ummm.. it's been torturous. i got sick when i was supposed to be studying and taking exams, and it wasn't just a fun cold. for a while, one night, i got to the point where i thought that i just couldn't make it. i thought that i would just die. :D and it sounds funny to me now, but seriously.. i didn't wanna freak out people around me, so i didn't tell anyone (and i couldn't speak anyway), but i felt terribly bad. but then somehow i survived, got home from Prague, and realized.. that i will have to study way too hard all summer long to make up for this sickness. the conclusion of this is - no summer break 2012 for babu, no insanely long night sleeping and way too long naps, no doing whatever i wanna do with my friends whenever i want to.. textbooks and studying all the way. yay. :D

but that's not what i mainly want to talk about. i wanted to say that all of this changed my plans drastically. everyone makes plans, right? so, according to my plan, i was now supposed to be in the US. ahhh, ok, if everything was going the way i could plan for myself, then by now i'd be married to a great christian man who is really nice, friendly, funny, cute, stylish, filthy rich (ok i might be willing to give this one up if he's awesome enough :D) and who loves me, has a good sense of humor, and even gets and likes my sense of humor (and that's certainly not a sure thing for i've met many people who don't get my jokes - it makes me sad :P), a man that can cook and sing and has a great taste in music.. and we would be living in an awesome apartment that would be so amazing and look so cute and cool at the same time (we would of course pick everything together without any arguments, for apparently our styles would be really similar), i could work in women's ministry and take care of our home.. he would be an awesome husband, i would be an awesome wife.. and we'd of course live happily ever after, with God being in the center of our relationship forever. :D but yep, all of this is not likely to happen any time soon, so i guess you get what i mean with 'plans', right? :D sorry for 'daydreaming aloud'. :D

anyway. i was supposed to be in the US right now, having a great time with my friends, seeing people i haven't seen (and have missed!) for years, meeting new people and discovering new places.. and i'm not. i'm sitting at home studying, and feeling super-guilty whenever i do anything else because i know that i shouldn't be doing anything else. i feel guilty even right now for writing this. but yeah, technically speaking, i'm not writing this instead of studying but instead of sleeping. so i can feel ok i guess. :D

but having plans, when everything seems to click together, everything is pointing to your plans all year long, and you are more and more excited.. having all of this and then just losing it.. it can get frustrating. it seems not fair. for a little while i felt decieved, sad, stuck. but then i remembered that my plans are not always the same as God's plans. that His ways are different than mine. (when i think of that daydreaming paragraph,i'm like-'oh yeah, that's for sure true' :D) and i just really need to trust God about this. i need to trust Him and His plans. i don't even know how my exams turn out. and it's all up to Him. And the best part is that i'm never alone in all this. God is always right there with me, maybe He's looking at the stuff i'm trying to learn and He's like - 'how can she not get it? this is easy peasy for me!' :D but for sure, He is the only source of my strenght right now. i've been having kind of an asocial life for past weeks. i don't get to hang out with friends a whole lot since i have to study. and i just know that being here without my loving God, i could never survive this. He's my only real support and comfort. i sometimes seek comfort elsewhere - looking to my family and friends to provide comforting words.. but it never works. i mean, it does help to know that people love me and think of me and pray for me.. but it's definitely not enough. and what is more, it often makes me feel like i disappoint all those people who were trying to comfort me and help me and support me when i don't pass my exams. and so i really need a different comfort - the ultimate comfort from God. i know that i can never disappoint Him. He knows me, He created me, He formed my little brain that doesn't get chemistry and physics, and He did so for a reason. i don't know the reason yet. but there for sure is one. sometimes i'm like, 'God, you should have told me in advance how dumb i was - i would never have started med school if i knew!' :D

i usually hear the words 'freedom' and 'independence' put together. not just in the Armageddon movie as names of those space shuttles (even though that's what i imagine every time i hear these two words :D) but generally, these two things are connected for most of the people. you have to be independent to be free. you feel free only when you're independent. but as for me, i experienced the biggest and most fulfilling freedom.. in total dependence.. dependence on God. it sounds like a cliché, but i can't put it in any other way that would explain better what i mean here. and right now, i am in this place of total dependence. i depend on God fully. on His strenght, wisdom, His plan for my life (even though i'd still like the thing mentioned above to happen - huh, God? what do you think about it? :D) and His love. His promise that He'd never give me more than i can handle. i really need this bigger perspective, because sometimes i get caught up in my problems, nothing is going as it should, and i get lost in it and complain and cry and blame God.. but then He gently shows me that He is still here, and wants me to concentrate more on the bigger image. and looking at Jesus, seeing the cross.. it changes everything, and it frees me. it frees me not only from my sin, guilt and shame, but also from my doubts, troubles, anxiety, stress, it frees me from worries about my future. i know that my family and friends have expectations of what i should do, how i should act, they expect me and want me to turn out certain way. but God knows me fully and completely, He knows about every little thing i screwed up in my life and also about everything that i'm yet to screw up. He knows those things and they are built into His plan, His perfect plan. and He will never let me down. i can do whatever i want to do when i know that God is in the center. i am free. i am free - free even from what people think about me. and - it might be a little paradox - the fact that i am free to give this up any time because God's love for me will never change and it's all already written in His plans, this fact gives me the biggest strenght to keep on fighting. :)

several verses have been on my mind a lot lately:

'Fight the good fight of faith.' (1 Timothy 6:12)

'And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' (Philipians 4:7)

'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."' (2 Corinthians 12:9)

'I can do all things through Him who strenghtens me.' (Philipians 4:13)

and finally, my all time favorite

'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strenghten you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10)

and i'm sorry if some of them are a little differently put than they are in the Bible, but i wrote them without checking - it's almost 2 am and i guess i'm too tired (or lazy?) to look for the precise versions of them that are in the Bible. :D

and so.. Christ's power can be made perfect in this huge weakness of mine. and i can be peaceful because whatever i do in my life, whether i finish med school or not, whether i marry that awesome guy or not, no matter how i disappoint the expectations of my family or friends.. He is with me, loves me, strenghtens me, upholds me.. and His cross changes everything and gives me perfect freedom.. in total dependence. :) our God is great.

oh, and by the way, there are ways how God cheers me up in the middle of this craziness. like our new kitty :) sooooo cute!! she bites a lot when she wants to play with us in her own weird way.. but oh my word i still love her so much. :) aaaand coloring nails with my sister. we usually have a great time picking colors and then doing and re-doing and re-re-doing our nails. :D and last but not least was this one night after an exam i didn't pass when i got to babysit kids of my friends in Prague.. and it was like the sweetest time i've had in months. those kids are absolutely adorable and they just totally made my day. :) when that little girl came to me while her brother was sleeping on my lap, took my hand and said, 'Babu, i love when you come here and stay with us', my heart melted. :D

the brighter moments of my days. :)

and yeah, this post is long. you have my respect if you kept on reading till now. but i just have so much stuff i'd love to write down, i just don't have the time.. but i hope that next post here will come soon. :)

and a song. can't forget to put a song for finishing the atmosphere of this post. :D i had a super hard time deciding which song would match my feelings the best. One more cup of coffee or I just don't know what to do with myself by The White Stripes? or Girl, you have no faith in medicine by the same band? :D but then i decided to go for something a little bit more melancholical. and so here it is - All at once by Jack Johnson. because 'all at once, the world can overwhelm me.. there's almost nothing that you you could tell me that could ease my mind.'. luckily, what God says can ease my mind.. always. :)

the pre-summer struggle with beauty.

oh i know, i should be studying right now. and yep, i will be, in a while. i just have to write this down because it's been on my mind for some time and i feel like i should write this down, even if it was just for me to be reminded of this every time i see it. i think that girls will be able to relate to this more (i admit it, when it comes to what boys think, i'm lost. :D ).

i bet that every girl in the world knows this.. i have seasons in life when looking to the mirror in the morning seems like the most challenging and hardest thing ever. :D it's a life-long battle. some days you just know right after you get up that what you get to see in a few moments will decide how the whole day will turn out for you. and there are times when what you see does not exactly please you. :D and, just as for many other girls, for me this time usually comes with the beginning of summer. oh, summer. don't be misled here - i love all the seasons of the year. each of them has its beauties, each of them has its ups and downs, each of them has its special charm. but summers are super challenging in the area of beauty and self image. it's probably a society thing - when the first hot sunbeams hit the earth after winter, you start seeing articles like '100000000 tips how to look your best this summer' or 'how to get tanned in 10 seconds' and 'get your bikini body now or you're worth nothing' everywhere. i don't read them - at least not all of them. :D but it's definitely a pressure. not a healthy one. do you know how i recognize that summer is officialy here? first, i see more freckles appearing. i'm like, ok, i'm used to this, many people think it's cute, whatever. then i get my cheeks sunburnt after spending just a few minutes outside without a sunblock. umm, not really cool, but hey, many girls spend a fortune on a blush, and i have one for free! :D and then, the final hit of the beginning of summer, that always catches me by surprise even though every year i hope to avoid it - i get an itchy rash and i get my hair parting sunburnt. and that's not cool at all, because, well, rash is not cool, you know, and when you get your hair parting burnt, there's nothing you can really do about it.. it hurts, you can't really put a sunblock there, and when it heals.. and when it starts to peel... yuck. looks like a terrible psoriasis, or at least a disgusting dandruff. :D:D exactly a look everyone wants for the summer, right? not really.. :D i've already been there this summer!

oh, sometimes i wish i had a perfect bikini body, was tanned and all that stuff.. and i know that every girl, whether she admits it or not, wants the same.but then again, i realize.. i will never be anybody else. i will always just be myself, with the sunburn and freckles and pale skin. and when i just began to see the summer coming this year and had one of those 'mirror-is-the-worst-enemy' days.. God stopped me, saying..

'hey. i created you. i created all that you see - how dare you call it not enough!'

and God also has a reason why he created me exactly the way he did. and then i realized that i really do want to be beautiful. literally - full of beauty. not just covered by beauty, not just sprinkled on by beauty. full of beauty. because what you feel on the inside always shows. and when your heart is full of God, grace, love, hope, beauty.. it shines through the pale skin and freckles and rash and it's a radiating beauty that lasts. i would be a terrible hypocrite if i said that i have it all figured out and never struggle with the way i look.. and also i'm not saying that i don't like being told that i'm beautiful. but i fight with the lies about me in my life that come from this world.

this is not written by me, but it expresses exactly what i feel and want, every single word, and so i want to share it with you:

“I want to be known for more than how I look. I want to be sought after for the way that I love, for my capacity to inspire, for big faith and my ability to speak some sort of truth with both amazing confidence and soft tenderness. I want to be pursued because I am an undeniable person of passion, a woman of distinction worth getting to know because I care more about making my corner of the world so much better than I do about making my face fit an ideal I know I’ll never be good enough for.

I want to trade shallow aesthetics in for a bottomless ocean that never runs dry. I want people to see my heart, all its gruesome glory, and my spirit, with its never-ending persistence to try. I want people to smile when they look at me, with or without the lipstick on, because they associate me with something more than can be seen.

I want to possess something that lasts, even if all the pretty is beaten out of me. I want to be beautiful and I think that I could be. I think – somewhere deep down, I truly believe – that I am.”

because Jesus Christ was so desperately in love with me, and eager to have a personal relationship with me that he died for me. i'm so precious to Him, i have value, i have worth in Him. i've lately learnt about body image that if your eyes are on yourself, you will never be satisfied. God says, 'Fix your eyes on me.' and when i do so, everything changes, because He alone is the source of my security. i see myself beautifully and wonderfully made. the thoughts of 'not being beautiful enough for this world' still haunt me from time to time, but when i'm consumed with Christ and His love, it's not about me, i just don't matter anymore. it's all about Him. 

Leslie Ludy said about a woman of God:

“Her value comes from knowing she has been redeemed and loved by the King of all kings. Her focus is on His desires, not on her selfish wants.” 

that is what I am striving for. i'm definitely not there yet, but i fight for it. and i want to grow in this truth more and more, every day!

i'm going to make one like this for my home. to the bathroom, right by the mirror, maybe? :D

so, let's make a different summer this year. let this summer be not about me or my beauty, but all about Jesus and His beauty being shown in my life. :)

oh and don't worry, i do have a song for you too. :D this one brings me so much joy. i love this band, they're so cool, so cute, their songs are so joyful and lyrics so true. enjoy!! :)

in the eye of the storm.

last year in summer me and my friend were driving in a car. we were going home from somewhere. it was already dark outside, and there was this big storm all around us. we could see the huge and scary lightnings and hear really loud and even scarier thunders.. the clouds were so dark and huge and thick.. and it looked pretty bad. but for some reason,there was no storm whatsoever right above us. it felt so close and yet we were like in some bubble, protected from the storm.. it wasn't even raining there, except for a few drops now and then.. we were driving right in the eye of the storm. and well i thought that sooner or later we just had to hit the storm. we couldn't stay in the safety of our 'bubble' all the way.. but i somehow trusted my friend (and his driving skills) that even if we eventually hit the storm, he would have driven me home just as safely. i kinda had nothing else to do, right? :D and so we stayed there, calm and peaceful, driving in the eye of the storm which was being furious everywhere around us.

i just remembered this a few days ago.. i remembered it because it's such a great image of my life in general. i know that life can be hard. it gets overwhelming, frustrating, sometimes it seems unbearable. and it gets exhausting - like for example now as i'm having exams at school - i don't understand a thing from the stuff i'm trying to learn. i think that if i read a japanese book backwards the content would stick into my head kinda like this biochemistry stuff does right now. :D and generally, there are so many storms everywhere around, and even in my own life there are moments when i feel like there's a hurricane there, trying to destroy my relationships, my friends, my family, my sense. but God is the driver in my life. He holds the steering wheel and determines where i go next. He takes me wherever He wants to, and i trust Him because He is the perfect driver and His driving skills for my life - His perfect wisdom - by far exceed anything i could ever think of. AND sometimes i just have nothing else left to do than just trusting that He knows what He's doing. :D my life feels like living in the eye of the storm.. sometimes even right in the middle of the storm. but i trust my driver. I'm under His protection. whatever way He takes me, even if we eventually hit the storm that's all around us, i'm keeping perfectly peaceful and calm, i know He loves me more than anyone else ever could, i know how He changed my heart and turned my life and my world upside down, i know that He, and only He Himself, can change hearts of people around me too. and so i can go through life with this peace in my heart because i know that whatever i go through, no matter how many rough things there are, no matter how much stuff i screw up, no matter how my family and friends see me or what other people think, no matter if i pass or fail at school.. i have a Driver, my awesome God, who will eventually carry me home. the ultimate and only true home where i belong, in His love, forever. :)

for past few months i've been reading Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon - devotions for every morning and evening of the year. and his thoughts on life are just so awesome and true. i really enjoy reading in his oldschool english too. :D but he goes kinda deep in some issues, and i would love to once have such wisdom too. yesterday i read this:

'If through simple faith in his promise, we cast each burden as it comes upon him, and are “careful for nothing” because he undertakes to care for us, it will keep us close to him, and strengthen us against much temptation. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee."'

and then i remembered one of my most favorite verses from the Bible (or at least it's the one that's most often on my mind :)):

'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strenghten you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10)

and so i just rely on God in all the storms. it's so freeing to realize all these things and to live them. it helps me a lot as i go through this confused season of my life. stuff gets tough, but i'm still growing spiritually, growing in learning to love well, serve well, and rejoice well. the Spirit is present in me and i love how i'm being changed and formed. when you're obedient to God, things you hold on to too much may fall apart, but God is always there to pick up the pieces and use them to slowly, step by step, create His masterpiece of Love for you. oh the sweet realization of the fact that God will take me home no matter what, because nothing can ever part me from His love. :) living in the eye of the strom and still knowing that i am to fear nothing at all. :) i want this truth to sink deep into my heart.

 

yep, peace even in the middle of the storm of studying. :)

 

well friends, thank you for trying to keep up with my random thoughts. :D i'm sorry if it sometimes gets complicated or confusing! and i also hope that you already developed some kind of trust in my music taste :D and a song for today.. i'd say it should be the one i just discovered like 2 days ago, thanks to my friend Jess :) already love it!! :)

 

 

the music in my heart.

ahhh how i love music. living in my head is sometimes like living in a movie - not only for the many embarassing moments in my life that could make a good comedy or the many other moments that could make a good tragedy, but mostly because i always have a song playing in my head. it doesn't always match the situation i'm in - it's not like there's this dramatic drums part whenever i'm crossing the street and there's a car approaching me, or a Jaws music (you know, that tum-tum-tum-tum :D) whenever i'm swimming.. :D but almost always there's some song playing in my head, and almost always i sing it out loud whenever i can. sometimes it's a really stupid song (like the ones i catch at work)... but most of the time it's a good song or a worship song. and oh, how i love having a worship stuck in my head. :) it always helps me. because on days when i'm feeling low and sometimes even sad, having a worship stuck in my head always reminds me of what really matters, and makes me feel a lot better... makes me feel thankful for what i have rather than anxious/stressed out/depressed/whatever other bad feeling about what i lost or don't have. :)

and i love singing the songs i have stuck in my head. that's a part of me that not everyone appreciates. :D but yeah, i sing a lot. and when it's a song i really like, when it's a worship that touches my heart and expresses exactly what i feel, it really feels like it's my heart singing. and i know that, as Jack Johnson says in one of his songs, sometimes a heart is no place to be singing from at all.. but other times, when your heart is just lost in Love, it's actually the best place to be singing from. :))
it reminds me of 2 things.
first, it reminds me of Ephesians 5..
'...be filled with the Spirit, adressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...'
and yep, i love singing and making melody to the Lord with my heart. indeed i LOVE it!!! :)

and then it reminds me of a song The Way I Was Made by Chris Tomlin.

i want to live like there's no tomorrow
i want to dance like no one's around
i want to sing like nobody's listening
before I lay my body down
i want to give like i have plenty
i want to love like i'm not afraid
i want to be the man i was meant to be
i want to be the way i was made

..because yeah, that's the way i was made. i was made with a heart that wants to sing out of joy. i was made to praise God. and i really enjoy it. in both easy and difficult times in my life. God's always worthy of a lovesong from my heart. :)

i've been called weird many times in my life. i think it's not just because of the fact that i'm singing a lot. i guess it's not even only because the most freckled part of me are my feet (i've heard questions about this too many times in past few weeks... yes, those spots are freckles, no, it's not a rash, neither is it any contagious deadly skin disease :D) or because my hands are as small as hands of my 9 years old sister (well whatever, they just didn't grow enough, not my fault :D).. it could be because i enjoy tram rides so much (i love looking around, i love seeing Prague and all the people from a tram, i can't help it :P) or because i always smell a book before i start reading it (i don't know what to say about this one.. maybe just that good books smell so much better than my textbooks for school :D).. it may be because i smile a lot even when i'm just walking by myself (i don't know, sometimes i just feel like smiling without any big reason :P)..
i actually don't know every particular reason why i've been called weird, even though i know about many possibilities. :D but anyway, what i'm trying to get to is that i took a closer look at the word.. the word for 'weird' in czech is 'divný'. which means that it comes from the word 'div' (a wonder) or 'divit se' (to wonder). and i kinda like the idea that i make people wonder. i want to make people wonder why i have so much joy in my life. i want to make people wonder about where i get the love i can give to other people, or where i get the patience i have (sometimes :D). i want to make people wonder about God. and if from time to time i succeed at this, i'm satisfied.. and i don't mind being called weird, being different if it's for God. :)

and oh well, here's a song that has been stuck in my head today. it's not a worship song, it's not about God, but i love all different kinds of music and this song is really good... and it kinda matches what i was talking about :) so this is my 'bye for now song'. and i encourage you to sing like nobody's listening, dance like no one's around, love like you're not afraid!! :):)

the best medicine.

you know, studying med school is not always fun. i'm not gonna complain about all the studying (at least not yet :D) but it's just generally hard when you realize how much stuff can go wrong in the human body and soul and that not everything can be cured. but in these past few days i've been thinking.. and what about kittens? aren't they the universal medicine? :D oh my word. everyone has to love those cuties. :D just last friday i spent a few hours with the cutest kitties ever. it's a cuteness overload. :D for a while i've been thinking that i would probably have to watch a horror movie later just to compensate all the cuteness. :D ahhh i can't wait to have one of them at home. soon :)

this is the new love of my life. :D we're not gonna have this one at home though, it's not my sister's first choice.. but wouldn't we make a perfect couple? i'm in love. :D

but seriously now.. even kitties aren't as good of a medicine for a human heart as God and His steadfast love. really. He's been healing me from some painful stuff, He's still at work in my heart.. and i love seeing what He's doing there. even though sometimes the lesson comes through something difficult.

these past weeks were keeping me super busy. i had to work a lot, had a lot of stuff to manage and to do, a lot of people to meet.. and even though i did have my usual morning devotions, i knew it wasn't enough.. i needed some more intimate time with Jesus. a date. and He gave me one.. ahhh a great one indeed. :)  i thought i didn't have time, but God just made time for me. He stopped me right in the middle of the chaos i was in. i've been having a weird mess in my emotions (you know how that feels? it's quite hard not knowing what other people think, but it's really frustrating to not know how you yourself feel about some stuff:D).. and God gave me time to rest, a raspberry cheescake and a good ice coffee, an awesome book to read to get to know Him better (Prodigal God by Timothy Keller - you should DEFINITELY read it, whether you're a christian or not.. this one AND Keller's King's Cross i was talking about in one of my former posts :)).. and a quiet place to just read and pray and be in love with my God. and that's even better than the kittens. really. :D it brings much deeper healing. much deeper than i can ever understand. and the joy.. oh my word the joy in God's love. it's HUGE. :) the best medicine. ever. :) 

today i was translating for my friend who was preaching here in Prague at the Bridge Community church where i go sometimes... and i get the most from the sermons i translate because you kinda have to be concentrating hard when you're translating. :) and he was talking about what God did for us. i really needed this reminder, that our God isn't a God who's 'keeping His hands clean and not getting involved' but He IS involved. He's not only involved in my life, He IS my life. He transformed my heart from the huge mess, not to a perfect heart (not yet), but to a bit smaller mess infiltrated with profound joy, peace and hope. and i'm really really really thankful for that. :)

beautiful date. perfect peace. :)

in general i've discovered that thankfulness is a great thing to have. it changes the way you see things. just take a look around, at your life, your family, your friends, take a look at God.. and be thankful. :)

God has been sending me some really amazing encouragements on my way recently. even though the pain in my knee was killing me this past week (yep, the boo boo from my last post got inflamed :D) and things aren't always easy and smooth with some people and situations, exams are coming soon and i have no idea what i should do with my plans for this summer (that will probably be a material for another blog post :D) and how to respond to some stuff that's going on right now.. and i'm still keeping SO busy.. in spite of all this i'm perfectly calm right now. and that's a huge gift. :)

ummmmm and that will be all for now. hope you're getting excited for the 'confused summer plans' and 'ahhhhhhsjabfkajhdfkjadh exams' posts that are probably coming soon. :D but hey, you don't have to read it if you don't want to,right? :D and i still have God. and i'm gonna have the kitten soon too. yay! :D 

and the song for tonight? definitely Beautiful Things by Gungor. it's been on my mind a lot lately, as i'm seeing and admiring the beauties of this world, the beautiful work He's doing in me and my friends.. and His beauty that has captured my heart and still makes me stand in awe in front of my God.

oh and also - i LOVE tulips. and i have to share with you this beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL garden i saw last week in Prague.. awwww you've gotta love flowers :D

more than enough.

i bet you know this. sometimes you get up in the morning and just know that you're about to have a weird day. it's not like you're a psychic or something, you just somehow feel it. and on days like this, anything can happen. you know? anything. :D

sometimes you nearly faint a few minutes after you get up with NO reason whatsoever and you feel so weak that you don't even know if you are able to go to school. but then after like 20 minutes you suddenly recover and get going.

sometimes you then go to your microbiology class and fall asleep like hundred times, every time having a different weird dream about the parasites that the professor is talking about and so your own dreams are so disgusting that you're afraid to fall asleep ever again. :D

sometimes you buy a cheese for lunch with the only money you have left in your purse and it smells really bad when you open it. so bad that you almost faint again, but then you just have to throw it away and regret.

sometimes you find out that your teachers changed a date of your exam without ever letting you know, which means that you basically need to re-schedule all your exams. but you have no way how to do so because all the other dates that you would need are already taken by other students. which means.. well that in some way, you're screwed. or at least that you will probably have to have an exam in september and lose half of your summer break with studying. again.

sometimes you get your cheeks sunburnt even after using an SPF 30 cream in the morning.

sometimes you get hurt on your way back from school. and tear your new leggins while getting hurt. :D



sometimes you have a strange guy you don't know coming up to you in the tram and telling you some really weird things. :D

sometimes you buy a glue to fix so much stuff that needs to be fixed.. only to find out that the glue probably ran dry like 5 years ago, and so it's completely worthless.


and sometimes, especially if you are me, all of this, and even more, happens in one single day. :D i know that there's no big stuff there, but hey, the point here is different... and small things like these just can feel a little overwhelming when they all happen in less than 12 hours, ok? :D



and so then... when you get to your room after a day like this... you are really exhausted. and in pain. :D and you just need a fix... and then you turn on your ipod and the first song played is so awesome that it just makes you realize stuff.. it helps you realize that your life has sense, the deeper meaning. and this meaning doesn't depend on school or the boo boos on your knees or money or whatever. and this feeling is so soothing, so comforting, and it brings so much joy... that you can just go on, put a smile up on your face, and with the hope and love in your heart you can go and face even more weird and worse days that are to come.. for you know that you have God and His love. and oh my word, that just makes me sooooo happy!!! :)

all that's left to do here is to buy new leggins, put a colorful plasters on my knees, have a cup of good coffee, maybe watch something fun, read... and of course, go to bed early so that i can be fresh and beautiful in the morning, ready for new adventures. yay! :D

and yep, this is that song i was talking about. :)
 

you've gotta love days like this.

today is an awesome day. sun is shining, some drunk guy is singing right under our window.. and we got a day off from school to prepare a presentation for the ecology class. and obviously, i was doing anything but looking up information about bio stuff and its effects on people and the environment. :D

after getting up really late, taking a nice long shower and watching a few episodes of Doctor Who, i decided to go somewhere to get a coffee and read. my original plan was to go to mamacoffee, one of my favorite places to read.. but then (since i decided to wear my new shoes-not a good idea if you intend to walk somewhere) i ended up in Costa coffee which is much closer to my dorms. i got a medium americano with cinnamon.. and i read. i bought this awesome book last week - King's cross by Timothy Keller who is one of my favorite pastors (i've heard like hundreds of his sermons and i love them!). and i got to that point where smelling coffee and cinnamon, enjoying the comfy seat, listening to a sweet song and reading a passage about Jesus's love for us.. it all just caught me unprepared for such an overwhelming joy and thankfulness. and i burst into tears. in public. now, don't get me wrong, i'm a really joyful person.. but then again, i'm a major weeper too (i like to say this with a strong british accent - majoh weepah.. say it like that! it's fun :D; there's a story behind this that includes my great friend Jess :)). i haven't cried for a long time though - until today. you know, it just hit me. i AM loved. I am loved. i am LOVED. wow. i don't know if you ever feel that way. that for no particular reason, you are suddenly so happy that you want to hug the whole world around you. I AM LOVED. by the Creator of the universe. seriously, that's a big deal. :D anyway, i don't think that many people noticed the tears. since those were the tears of joy, they were quickly replaced by a huge smile. :)

it's fun to see how when you're joyful and smile at people, it's like a weird infection that causes other people brighten their faces as well. and the annoyed barista, the tired shop assistant, the busy businessman frowning on everyone.. when they catch a smile on somebody's face, they seem to feel better, they smile too, and you can even catch a sparkle in their eyes as they see that not everything around is just stressful. 

i love having this peace inside in the middle of the chaos in the crowded Prague. and i love seeing how God can use me to brighten up this tiny piece of world around me. i mean, not every day is as bright as this one and hard things are always waiting for you just around the corner.. but what i'm trying to say here is that God is THE source of joy that can change stuff, because it doesn't depend on our own capabilities and reasons to rejoice. i have a few big scars on my heart too, but hey, scars are a good thing! because they show that any wound, no matter how deep, how painful, how old, can be healed. :) and so i'm just thankful for everything and everyone that came my way in the past, and i'm excited for everything that is to happen in the future. and if you wanna join me and know little pieces of my journey now and then, just come back here sometimes and you may read about it. :)

hope you have a great day too! :)

oh, and a random thought for the end - why do they make the inside of the shoes/purses/wallets SO cute? i just feel sorry then that i can't see it when i'm wearing that stuff. :D by the way, these are the shoes that caused me to change my plans today. :D love them! :)