in the eye of the storm.

last year in summer me and my friend were driving in a car. we were going home from somewhere. it was already dark outside, and there was this big storm all around us. we could see the huge and scary lightnings and hear really loud and even scarier thunders.. the clouds were so dark and huge and thick.. and it looked pretty bad. but for some reason,there was no storm whatsoever right above us. it felt so close and yet we were like in some bubble, protected from the storm.. it wasn't even raining there, except for a few drops now and then.. we were driving right in the eye of the storm. and well i thought that sooner or later we just had to hit the storm. we couldn't stay in the safety of our 'bubble' all the way.. but i somehow trusted my friend (and his driving skills) that even if we eventually hit the storm, he would have driven me home just as safely. i kinda had nothing else to do, right? :D and so we stayed there, calm and peaceful, driving in the eye of the storm which was being furious everywhere around us.

i just remembered this a few days ago.. i remembered it because it's such a great image of my life in general. i know that life can be hard. it gets overwhelming, frustrating, sometimes it seems unbearable. and it gets exhausting - like for example now as i'm having exams at school - i don't understand a thing from the stuff i'm trying to learn. i think that if i read a japanese book backwards the content would stick into my head kinda like this biochemistry stuff does right now. :D and generally, there are so many storms everywhere around, and even in my own life there are moments when i feel like there's a hurricane there, trying to destroy my relationships, my friends, my family, my sense. but God is the driver in my life. He holds the steering wheel and determines where i go next. He takes me wherever He wants to, and i trust Him because He is the perfect driver and His driving skills for my life - His perfect wisdom - by far exceed anything i could ever think of. AND sometimes i just have nothing else left to do than just trusting that He knows what He's doing. :D my life feels like living in the eye of the storm.. sometimes even right in the middle of the storm. but i trust my driver. I'm under His protection. whatever way He takes me, even if we eventually hit the storm that's all around us, i'm keeping perfectly peaceful and calm, i know He loves me more than anyone else ever could, i know how He changed my heart and turned my life and my world upside down, i know that He, and only He Himself, can change hearts of people around me too. and so i can go through life with this peace in my heart because i know that whatever i go through, no matter how many rough things there are, no matter how much stuff i screw up, no matter how my family and friends see me or what other people think, no matter if i pass or fail at school.. i have a Driver, my awesome God, who will eventually carry me home. the ultimate and only true home where i belong, in His love, forever. :)

for past few months i've been reading Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon - devotions for every morning and evening of the year. and his thoughts on life are just so awesome and true. i really enjoy reading in his oldschool english too. :D but he goes kinda deep in some issues, and i would love to once have such wisdom too. yesterday i read this:

'If through simple faith in his promise, we cast each burden as it comes upon him, and are “careful for nothing” because he undertakes to care for us, it will keep us close to him, and strengthen us against much temptation. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee."'

and then i remembered one of my most favorite verses from the Bible (or at least it's the one that's most often on my mind :)):

'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strenghten you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10)

and so i just rely on God in all the storms. it's so freeing to realize all these things and to live them. it helps me a lot as i go through this confused season of my life. stuff gets tough, but i'm still growing spiritually, growing in learning to love well, serve well, and rejoice well. the Spirit is present in me and i love how i'm being changed and formed. when you're obedient to God, things you hold on to too much may fall apart, but God is always there to pick up the pieces and use them to slowly, step by step, create His masterpiece of Love for you. oh the sweet realization of the fact that God will take me home no matter what, because nothing can ever part me from His love. :) living in the eye of the strom and still knowing that i am to fear nothing at all. :) i want this truth to sink deep into my heart.

 

yep, peace even in the middle of the storm of studying. :)

 

well friends, thank you for trying to keep up with my random thoughts. :D i'm sorry if it sometimes gets complicated or confusing! and i also hope that you already developed some kind of trust in my music taste :D and a song for today.. i'd say it should be the one i just discovered like 2 days ago, thanks to my friend Jess :) already love it!! :)

 

 

the music in my heart.

ahhh how i love music. living in my head is sometimes like living in a movie - not only for the many embarassing moments in my life that could make a good comedy or the many other moments that could make a good tragedy, but mostly because i always have a song playing in my head. it doesn't always match the situation i'm in - it's not like there's this dramatic drums part whenever i'm crossing the street and there's a car approaching me, or a Jaws music (you know, that tum-tum-tum-tum :D) whenever i'm swimming.. :D but almost always there's some song playing in my head, and almost always i sing it out loud whenever i can. sometimes it's a really stupid song (like the ones i catch at work)... but most of the time it's a good song or a worship song. and oh, how i love having a worship stuck in my head. :) it always helps me. because on days when i'm feeling low and sometimes even sad, having a worship stuck in my head always reminds me of what really matters, and makes me feel a lot better... makes me feel thankful for what i have rather than anxious/stressed out/depressed/whatever other bad feeling about what i lost or don't have. :)

and i love singing the songs i have stuck in my head. that's a part of me that not everyone appreciates. :D but yeah, i sing a lot. and when it's a song i really like, when it's a worship that touches my heart and expresses exactly what i feel, it really feels like it's my heart singing. and i know that, as Jack Johnson says in one of his songs, sometimes a heart is no place to be singing from at all.. but other times, when your heart is just lost in Love, it's actually the best place to be singing from. :))
it reminds me of 2 things.
first, it reminds me of Ephesians 5..
'...be filled with the Spirit, adressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...'
and yep, i love singing and making melody to the Lord with my heart. indeed i LOVE it!!! :)

and then it reminds me of a song The Way I Was Made by Chris Tomlin.

i want to live like there's no tomorrow
i want to dance like no one's around
i want to sing like nobody's listening
before I lay my body down
i want to give like i have plenty
i want to love like i'm not afraid
i want to be the man i was meant to be
i want to be the way i was made

..because yeah, that's the way i was made. i was made with a heart that wants to sing out of joy. i was made to praise God. and i really enjoy it. in both easy and difficult times in my life. God's always worthy of a lovesong from my heart. :)

i've been called weird many times in my life. i think it's not just because of the fact that i'm singing a lot. i guess it's not even only because the most freckled part of me are my feet (i've heard questions about this too many times in past few weeks... yes, those spots are freckles, no, it's not a rash, neither is it any contagious deadly skin disease :D) or because my hands are as small as hands of my 9 years old sister (well whatever, they just didn't grow enough, not my fault :D).. it could be because i enjoy tram rides so much (i love looking around, i love seeing Prague and all the people from a tram, i can't help it :P) or because i always smell a book before i start reading it (i don't know what to say about this one.. maybe just that good books smell so much better than my textbooks for school :D).. it may be because i smile a lot even when i'm just walking by myself (i don't know, sometimes i just feel like smiling without any big reason :P)..
i actually don't know every particular reason why i've been called weird, even though i know about many possibilities. :D but anyway, what i'm trying to get to is that i took a closer look at the word.. the word for 'weird' in czech is 'divný'. which means that it comes from the word 'div' (a wonder) or 'divit se' (to wonder). and i kinda like the idea that i make people wonder. i want to make people wonder why i have so much joy in my life. i want to make people wonder about where i get the love i can give to other people, or where i get the patience i have (sometimes :D). i want to make people wonder about God. and if from time to time i succeed at this, i'm satisfied.. and i don't mind being called weird, being different if it's for God. :)

and oh well, here's a song that has been stuck in my head today. it's not a worship song, it's not about God, but i love all different kinds of music and this song is really good... and it kinda matches what i was talking about :) so this is my 'bye for now song'. and i encourage you to sing like nobody's listening, dance like no one's around, love like you're not afraid!! :):)

the best medicine.

you know, studying med school is not always fun. i'm not gonna complain about all the studying (at least not yet :D) but it's just generally hard when you realize how much stuff can go wrong in the human body and soul and that not everything can be cured. but in these past few days i've been thinking.. and what about kittens? aren't they the universal medicine? :D oh my word. everyone has to love those cuties. :D just last friday i spent a few hours with the cutest kitties ever. it's a cuteness overload. :D for a while i've been thinking that i would probably have to watch a horror movie later just to compensate all the cuteness. :D ahhh i can't wait to have one of them at home. soon :)

this is the new love of my life. :D we're not gonna have this one at home though, it's not my sister's first choice.. but wouldn't we make a perfect couple? i'm in love. :D

but seriously now.. even kitties aren't as good of a medicine for a human heart as God and His steadfast love. really. He's been healing me from some painful stuff, He's still at work in my heart.. and i love seeing what He's doing there. even though sometimes the lesson comes through something difficult.

these past weeks were keeping me super busy. i had to work a lot, had a lot of stuff to manage and to do, a lot of people to meet.. and even though i did have my usual morning devotions, i knew it wasn't enough.. i needed some more intimate time with Jesus. a date. and He gave me one.. ahhh a great one indeed. :)  i thought i didn't have time, but God just made time for me. He stopped me right in the middle of the chaos i was in. i've been having a weird mess in my emotions (you know how that feels? it's quite hard not knowing what other people think, but it's really frustrating to not know how you yourself feel about some stuff:D).. and God gave me time to rest, a raspberry cheescake and a good ice coffee, an awesome book to read to get to know Him better (Prodigal God by Timothy Keller - you should DEFINITELY read it, whether you're a christian or not.. this one AND Keller's King's Cross i was talking about in one of my former posts :)).. and a quiet place to just read and pray and be in love with my God. and that's even better than the kittens. really. :D it brings much deeper healing. much deeper than i can ever understand. and the joy.. oh my word the joy in God's love. it's HUGE. :) the best medicine. ever. :) 

today i was translating for my friend who was preaching here in Prague at the Bridge Community church where i go sometimes... and i get the most from the sermons i translate because you kinda have to be concentrating hard when you're translating. :) and he was talking about what God did for us. i really needed this reminder, that our God isn't a God who's 'keeping His hands clean and not getting involved' but He IS involved. He's not only involved in my life, He IS my life. He transformed my heart from the huge mess, not to a perfect heart (not yet), but to a bit smaller mess infiltrated with profound joy, peace and hope. and i'm really really really thankful for that. :)

beautiful date. perfect peace. :)

in general i've discovered that thankfulness is a great thing to have. it changes the way you see things. just take a look around, at your life, your family, your friends, take a look at God.. and be thankful. :)

God has been sending me some really amazing encouragements on my way recently. even though the pain in my knee was killing me this past week (yep, the boo boo from my last post got inflamed :D) and things aren't always easy and smooth with some people and situations, exams are coming soon and i have no idea what i should do with my plans for this summer (that will probably be a material for another blog post :D) and how to respond to some stuff that's going on right now.. and i'm still keeping SO busy.. in spite of all this i'm perfectly calm right now. and that's a huge gift. :)

ummmmm and that will be all for now. hope you're getting excited for the 'confused summer plans' and 'ahhhhhhsjabfkajhdfkjadh exams' posts that are probably coming soon. :D but hey, you don't have to read it if you don't want to,right? :D and i still have God. and i'm gonna have the kitten soon too. yay! :D 

and the song for tonight? definitely Beautiful Things by Gungor. it's been on my mind a lot lately, as i'm seeing and admiring the beauties of this world, the beautiful work He's doing in me and my friends.. and His beauty that has captured my heart and still makes me stand in awe in front of my God.

oh and also - i LOVE tulips. and i have to share with you this beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL garden i saw last week in Prague.. awwww you've gotta love flowers :D