in the eye of the storm.

last year in summer me and my friend were driving in a car. we were going home from somewhere. it was already dark outside, and there was this big storm all around us. we could see the huge and scary lightnings and hear really loud and even scarier thunders.. the clouds were so dark and huge and thick.. and it looked pretty bad. but for some reason,there was no storm whatsoever right above us. it felt so close and yet we were like in some bubble, protected from the storm.. it wasn't even raining there, except for a few drops now and then.. we were driving right in the eye of the storm. and well i thought that sooner or later we just had to hit the storm. we couldn't stay in the safety of our 'bubble' all the way.. but i somehow trusted my friend (and his driving skills) that even if we eventually hit the storm, he would have driven me home just as safely. i kinda had nothing else to do, right? :D and so we stayed there, calm and peaceful, driving in the eye of the storm which was being furious everywhere around us.

i just remembered this a few days ago.. i remembered it because it's such a great image of my life in general. i know that life can be hard. it gets overwhelming, frustrating, sometimes it seems unbearable. and it gets exhausting - like for example now as i'm having exams at school - i don't understand a thing from the stuff i'm trying to learn. i think that if i read a japanese book backwards the content would stick into my head kinda like this biochemistry stuff does right now. :D and generally, there are so many storms everywhere around, and even in my own life there are moments when i feel like there's a hurricane there, trying to destroy my relationships, my friends, my family, my sense. but God is the driver in my life. He holds the steering wheel and determines where i go next. He takes me wherever He wants to, and i trust Him because He is the perfect driver and His driving skills for my life - His perfect wisdom - by far exceed anything i could ever think of. AND sometimes i just have nothing else left to do than just trusting that He knows what He's doing. :D my life feels like living in the eye of the storm.. sometimes even right in the middle of the storm. but i trust my driver. I'm under His protection. whatever way He takes me, even if we eventually hit the storm that's all around us, i'm keeping perfectly peaceful and calm, i know He loves me more than anyone else ever could, i know how He changed my heart and turned my life and my world upside down, i know that He, and only He Himself, can change hearts of people around me too. and so i can go through life with this peace in my heart because i know that whatever i go through, no matter how many rough things there are, no matter how much stuff i screw up, no matter how my family and friends see me or what other people think, no matter if i pass or fail at school.. i have a Driver, my awesome God, who will eventually carry me home. the ultimate and only true home where i belong, in His love, forever. :)

for past few months i've been reading Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon - devotions for every morning and evening of the year. and his thoughts on life are just so awesome and true. i really enjoy reading in his oldschool english too. :D but he goes kinda deep in some issues, and i would love to once have such wisdom too. yesterday i read this:

'If through simple faith in his promise, we cast each burden as it comes upon him, and are “careful for nothing” because he undertakes to care for us, it will keep us close to him, and strengthen us against much temptation. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee."'

and then i remembered one of my most favorite verses from the Bible (or at least it's the one that's most often on my mind :)):

'Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strenghten you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10)

and so i just rely on God in all the storms. it's so freeing to realize all these things and to live them. it helps me a lot as i go through this confused season of my life. stuff gets tough, but i'm still growing spiritually, growing in learning to love well, serve well, and rejoice well. the Spirit is present in me and i love how i'm being changed and formed. when you're obedient to God, things you hold on to too much may fall apart, but God is always there to pick up the pieces and use them to slowly, step by step, create His masterpiece of Love for you. oh the sweet realization of the fact that God will take me home no matter what, because nothing can ever part me from His love. :) living in the eye of the strom and still knowing that i am to fear nothing at all. :) i want this truth to sink deep into my heart.

 

yep, peace even in the middle of the storm of studying. :)

 

well friends, thank you for trying to keep up with my random thoughts. :D i'm sorry if it sometimes gets complicated or confusing! and i also hope that you already developed some kind of trust in my music taste :D and a song for today.. i'd say it should be the one i just discovered like 2 days ago, thanks to my friend Jess :) already love it!! :)